the boy & his sweetheart part 2: personal || dallas, tx wedding photographer

[ if you haven’t already read part 1 of our story you’ll want to catch up there before starting part 2]

Can I just start with a little rant?  I've been working on this for days.  Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of being able to write our story in a way that you'll know, really know, how great our God is and how good He's been to me in making Josh a part of my life.  I can't do it.  To paraphrase what Tom Hanks character says in "You've Got Mail" "Oh yeah, right.  It should be a snap to write the story of how you found the one single person in the world who fills your heart with joy." But I've accepted the fact that you're never going to know the entire story, that my writing will never be perfect, that I use too many words and it's probably going to take eons to say everything that I want to say about it, and in the end I'll never figure out a way to include every single thing that I want to remember about it.  So here it is, flaws and all: part 2.

It’s weird what your mind chooses to file away as something to remember.  Like a journal written on my heart, that I can pull out and turn to a certain date and there they are.  Memories.  Memories almost forgotten, but still there.  Memories of words spoken, thoughts that danced through my head, mental notes that I made almost without realizing I was making them, things that at the time, meant nothing, but now are tiny threads woven into the tapestry of our story.

January 9^th 2011 was just a normal Sunday.  There was no reason for me to have any particular memories of that day, but I do.  I remember what I was wearing.  A fitted, black wool, knee length dress, black hose, black heels.  My curly hair was pulled back slightly with a headband.  I don't know why I remember these things, but I do.  I remember walking in to church that morning finding a seat, setting my purse and bible down and turning to walk out of the sanctuary.

I nearly walked right past without noticing him.

But as I was almost all the way past him his face registered and I abruptly stopped and turned to say hi.  I hadn’t seen him in a year a half almost exactly, and his face/name had crossed my mind all of about 6 times in that year and a half, but I found myself smiling and happy to see him.  He was wearing gray slacks and an argyle sweater—a classic Josh outfit--and was already talking to someone else at the time so I interrupted just long enough to say hi and that it was good to see him.

That was it.

I did not walk away with stars in my eyes and he did not hear a voice from heaven telling him I was the one.  But that week I thought about him…more than normal.  Several times actually.  And it was that same month that God began directing and giving clarity to Josh’s desires and goals for the next few years and my name somehow kept popping up in the middle of it all.

A few weeks after our 30 second conversation at church he sent me a chat on Facebook.  I responded but Facebook started freezing up almost immediately and wouldn’t work anymore.  He wrote on my wall after the chat stopped working…

At the time I really didn't like Facebook chat that much, it always messed up and I rarely had time to chat with people so I didn't go online very often.  (I had no idea that he hated FB chat even more than I did, and really never used it.  Exceeeept to talk to me.)  He wrote me several times over the next few weeks, always with a good reason, and never more than about once a week--definitely not enough to make me suspicious that he was interested in me.  He didn't flirt, or ask for my number.  He was just genuinely friendly.  I enjoyed talking to him, he was funny and nice, but I still couldn't imagine him as anything other than a friend.  It's not even like I tried to imagine him as something else and couldn't, it just didn't even cross my mind to imagine him as anything more than a distant friend.

I absolutely love that I began my first (and only) 365 project this same year. Between that, my journal, and my brain I've been able to fill in the cracks of my memories, from back when I didn't know I was supposed to be saving memories.  It means that I can look back and remember that on January 20th I wrote this: "Today I... thought about how this past year was not at all what I expected.  And wondered what unexpected things this year would bring."  (<--- I had no clue).

I remember...

...feeling a little bit excited and my face flushing red when I saw him walk in the night he randomly showed up at church one Sunday night late in February.  It was the first time I'd seen him since January and since our chats had become more frequent.  I had no idea why I blushed when I saw him.  I told myself I was being ridiculous.

...the day that I found out he was an accountant and jokingly asking him if he'd like to help me with my taxes that year.

...when he chatted me on my birthday to say Happy Birthday, and I missed the chat... and I was sad.

...when he started coming to the "Definitions of Biblical Manhood & Womanhood" study Sunday night at my church and chose to sit next to me every time.

...how whenever he joined in the group discussions during bible study that I was surprised with how deep his answers were, and how he spoke with a quiet sort of confidence.

...the night he and I stayed late after church talking in the lobby until it was just the two of us left and being distracted by his lop-sided grin while he talked.  I remember what I was wearing that night too ;)

...being impressed by how kind he was to absolutely everyone.  He still knew a lot of people from when he had attended church there a few years back, but also quickly made new friends as well.  He was comfortable talking to anyone.  Kids, peers, older adults, he acted genuinely interested in all of them and spent time talking to so many different people at church every Sunday night.

...the first few times I wondered if he maybe liked me a little bit, but because of how genuinely friendly he was to EVERYONE I convinced myself that he was just a really nice guy.  I honestly couldn't tell a difference between his interactions with me and with other people at church.  Soooo friendly. ;)

But I remember when I finally thought to myself, "Uh, I think he really does like me."  Followed quickly by, "Snaps.  Now what do I do??"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Much Love,
Jessica Shae
p.s. I promise the next part won't be so long in coming as this one has.  Part 3 coming next week!

The Boy & his sweetheart: part one || dallas, tx wedding photographer

This is the story of a boy and a girl.  It’s a story that in the most general sense has been told again and again over hundreds of years, without ever seeming the same, or growing old.  It’s simple and sweet, no movies will be made from it, and it’s really not very glamorous, but it’s real and it’s ours, and therefore one of my favorite stories to tell.

Our story starts 27 years ago today.  (At least that’s where I’ve chosen to start.)  August 10^th, 1985 was the wedding day for two adorable happily in love couples.  Hundreds of miles apart, but within a few hours of each other they promised to love each other faithfully, became Mr. & Mrs., and started a new adventure.  Three and a half years later (almost to the day) a little brown-eyed boy was born in Bad Axe, MI to one of those adorable couples.  Just thirteen days after that, in Plano, TX the other couple was excited to welcome a bald headed blue-eyed little girl into their life.

And so our two lives began, Joshua Caleb & Jessica Shae.

We spent the next 22 years growing up.  In some ways our growing up was similar to each other, we were both pastors kids (better known as “PK’s”), he played baseball I played softball, our families moved quite a bit, and we both had plenty of siblings to play with: he had 4 and I had 6.  But in other ways those 22 years were quite different for the two of us.  I was homeschooled, he was public+private schooled.  He lived in Indiana for most of those years, I lived in Texas and Colorado.  He was quiet and shy for the first 13+ years of his life, I on the other hand never shut-up and loved being the center of attention.  In High school he was a jock, and kind of the cutest/handsomest thing I’ve ever seen (I only know this from pictures + stories his family has so kindly shared—see below ;), while I on the other hand “thought” that I was very cool and stylish but was in fact, quite the nerd. (again, see below.)  After high school he went to college, starting out as an architect major, but switching to accounting after his first year.  I graduated high school and spent the next four years traveling, living in Chicago and working for a Christian ministry, working for my dad, and then eventually starting my photography business.

The summer before Josh’s senior year of high school (2007) his family moved from Indiana, to Mckinney, Texas.   They ended up moving back to Indiana 14 months later, but by the time they realized that they were going to have to move back Josh had already enrolled and started classes at a college about an hour away.  So they moved back home, leaving Josh to continue college in Texas.

The summer of 2009 my family moved for the 5^th time in 2 years. (Told you we moved a lot.)  We moved from Austin to Dallas, hoping that it would be our last move for a while.  When we moved we thought we already had a church picked out, but after attending there for a few weeks we started to think that maybe we needed to find somewhere else to go.  Around that time, some old friends of ours invited us to their church in Mckinney, and we went.  It just happened to be the same church that Josh’s family had attended while they lived here and the church that Josh was still attending.

Apparently we met that day, on June 28^th, 2009.  Unfortunately, I have no remembrance of this.

Apparently he preached in the evening service that night, along with two other guys in the college group.  Again, no memory of this.

Needless to say, it was not love at first sight ;)

I have a handful of memories about him from the next two months.  We were in the same college and career Sunday School class, and did a few group activities together.  Really the only clear memory I have of him from that Summer was of an afternoon we spent with a group of friends from church at the mall.  We (“we” being the whole group) spent the day wandering aimlessly from store to store, eating in the food court, and talking.  He made me laugh a lot that day, and we had fun talking and joking about several things.  I had been told that he was interested in a girl from church so I was conscientious of not seeming “overly” friendly… besides, I wasn’t interested in him anyways.  He wasn’t “my type.”  But I went home that day and absentmindedly thought to myself, “that boy could be really cute if he’d just grow his hair out longer.” (at the time he had almost completely shaved his head—not his best look.)  Whereas I found out recently that he went back to school that evening and while telling a friend about his day mentioned that there had been a “really pretty girl” in the group of people that went to the mall that day.

All through high school I would hear girls complain about how “they just couldn’t help liking him” or something along those lines.  I always felt the need to correct them, because in my opinion, while attraction is instinctive—that gut reaction of clicking with someone when you meet them, or finding out you’re interested in the same things… Like/Love is a choice, and only happens when you choose to allow that attraction to turn into something deeper.  

I was attracted to Him.  But I did not like him.

The attraction was a very mild case.  I just knew that I thought he was funny, and fun to be around.  That’s all.

So, when he stopped going to our church about a month later because the hour drive was getting too long for him, I barely noticed his absence.  Other than the occasional glimpses I would catch of his life whenever something popped up in my newsfeed about him, I barely remembered he existed over the next 18 months.

And then one cold January day, he showed back up at church…

 (part 2 to follow)

Much Love,

Jessica Shae