the boy & his sweetheart part 2: personal || dallas, tx wedding photographer

[ if you haven’t already read part 1 of our story you’ll want to catch up there before starting part 2]

Can I just start with a little rant?  I've been working on this for days.  Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of being able to write our story in a way that you'll know, really know, how great our God is and how good He's been to me in making Josh a part of my life.  I can't do it.  To paraphrase what Tom Hanks character says in "You've Got Mail" "Oh yeah, right.  It should be a snap to write the story of how you found the one single person in the world who fills your heart with joy." But I've accepted the fact that you're never going to know the entire story, that my writing will never be perfect, that I use too many words and it's probably going to take eons to say everything that I want to say about it, and in the end I'll never figure out a way to include every single thing that I want to remember about it.  So here it is, flaws and all: part 2.

It’s weird what your mind chooses to file away as something to remember.  Like a journal written on my heart, that I can pull out and turn to a certain date and there they are.  Memories.  Memories almost forgotten, but still there.  Memories of words spoken, thoughts that danced through my head, mental notes that I made almost without realizing I was making them, things that at the time, meant nothing, but now are tiny threads woven into the tapestry of our story.

January 9^th 2011 was just a normal Sunday.  There was no reason for me to have any particular memories of that day, but I do.  I remember what I was wearing.  A fitted, black wool, knee length dress, black hose, black heels.  My curly hair was pulled back slightly with a headband.  I don't know why I remember these things, but I do.  I remember walking in to church that morning finding a seat, setting my purse and bible down and turning to walk out of the sanctuary.

I nearly walked right past without noticing him.

But as I was almost all the way past him his face registered and I abruptly stopped and turned to say hi.  I hadn’t seen him in a year a half almost exactly, and his face/name had crossed my mind all of about 6 times in that year and a half, but I found myself smiling and happy to see him.  He was wearing gray slacks and an argyle sweater—a classic Josh outfit--and was already talking to someone else at the time so I interrupted just long enough to say hi and that it was good to see him.

That was it.

I did not walk away with stars in my eyes and he did not hear a voice from heaven telling him I was the one.  But that week I thought about him…more than normal.  Several times actually.  And it was that same month that God began directing and giving clarity to Josh’s desires and goals for the next few years and my name somehow kept popping up in the middle of it all.

A few weeks after our 30 second conversation at church he sent me a chat on Facebook.  I responded but Facebook started freezing up almost immediately and wouldn’t work anymore.  He wrote on my wall after the chat stopped working…

At the time I really didn't like Facebook chat that much, it always messed up and I rarely had time to chat with people so I didn't go online very often.  (I had no idea that he hated FB chat even more than I did, and really never used it.  Exceeeept to talk to me.)  He wrote me several times over the next few weeks, always with a good reason, and never more than about once a week--definitely not enough to make me suspicious that he was interested in me.  He didn't flirt, or ask for my number.  He was just genuinely friendly.  I enjoyed talking to him, he was funny and nice, but I still couldn't imagine him as anything other than a friend.  It's not even like I tried to imagine him as something else and couldn't, it just didn't even cross my mind to imagine him as anything more than a distant friend.

I absolutely love that I began my first (and only) 365 project this same year. Between that, my journal, and my brain I've been able to fill in the cracks of my memories, from back when I didn't know I was supposed to be saving memories.  It means that I can look back and remember that on January 20th I wrote this: "Today I... thought about how this past year was not at all what I expected.  And wondered what unexpected things this year would bring."  (<--- I had no clue).

I remember...

...feeling a little bit excited and my face flushing red when I saw him walk in the night he randomly showed up at church one Sunday night late in February.  It was the first time I'd seen him since January and since our chats had become more frequent.  I had no idea why I blushed when I saw him.  I told myself I was being ridiculous.

...the day that I found out he was an accountant and jokingly asking him if he'd like to help me with my taxes that year.

...when he chatted me on my birthday to say Happy Birthday, and I missed the chat... and I was sad.

...when he started coming to the "Definitions of Biblical Manhood & Womanhood" study Sunday night at my church and chose to sit next to me every time.

...how whenever he joined in the group discussions during bible study that I was surprised with how deep his answers were, and how he spoke with a quiet sort of confidence.

...the night he and I stayed late after church talking in the lobby until it was just the two of us left and being distracted by his lop-sided grin while he talked.  I remember what I was wearing that night too ;)

...being impressed by how kind he was to absolutely everyone.  He still knew a lot of people from when he had attended church there a few years back, but also quickly made new friends as well.  He was comfortable talking to anyone.  Kids, peers, older adults, he acted genuinely interested in all of them and spent time talking to so many different people at church every Sunday night.

...the first few times I wondered if he maybe liked me a little bit, but because of how genuinely friendly he was to EVERYONE I convinced myself that he was just a really nice guy.  I honestly couldn't tell a difference between his interactions with me and with other people at church.  Soooo friendly. ;)

But I remember when I finally thought to myself, "Uh, I think he really does like me."  Followed quickly by, "Snaps.  Now what do I do??"

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Much Love,
Jessica Shae
p.s. I promise the next part won't be so long in coming as this one has.  Part 3 coming next week!